My 2020 goals.

Happy first day of 2020. This year is a big year for me, it's a year of facing fears, setting and achieving goals, becoming my own person again and falling in love with the little things in life once more. I've mentioned so much that 2019 was tough. 2020 is the year I get myself back, heal from my mental breakdown, and become a brand new person.

I love writing these posts, I've been doing them for years now. I start with going back at my goals I set at the start of 2019, evaluate how well I did with them, then set my new goals for the following year. One of my favourite posts of the year. Let's go!

1. "Get my damn tattoo!" I'd been so desperate to get my Peter Pan tattoo since I was 18 and finally legal. But something in me stopped me going. This year I definitely achieved that goal, and got a total of three tattoos. I spoke more about them in my previous post.

2. "To not give up" I was well and truly being defeated by my mental breakdown in January last year and wanted so desperately to pull through and not leave uni. I did end up leaving uni in the end but I definitely didn't give up, there were times I gave up on life in 2019, times I let myself get consumed with depression and laid in bed while it quite literally ate me alive. But I came back, I learnt how not to give up and keep fighting and I'm so proud of myself for achieving this one. It was a tough goal to accomplish.

3. "To ask for help" as such a proud person it was difficult for me to accept I was weak, I was so vulnerable last year and asking for help was hard. A whole year on and I have completely moved past this pride. I think there's pride in asking for help, because it shows you care enough to want it. Pride isn't about being the best and on top and not needing help. It means being sure of yourself enough to know what you need to ask for to help you get here you want to be. Asking for help does nothing for who you are as a person except point you in the direction you need to be taking.

4. "The gym" I've been back and forth in and out of the gym this year, but I have really let myself go. I ate out a lot in 2019, put on a lot of weight, and started to develop an unhealthy relationship with food and my body. I started punishing myself with food, I started counting calories with an unhealthy mindset, starved myself, and worked myself out to the point of almost feinting/throwing up. 

I think my mental health was so poor this year that trying to lose weight just became another factor to my anxiety. Over the past few months I've taken a step back, ate what I wanted to and focussed on healing my mind, ready to face to then gym again in 2020.

5. "To fall back in love with life" This was a big goal I set, and I thought for most of the year I was living my life to the fullest which I sort of was. But I wasn't in love with life. After constant working on myself I currently feel very content with life and very happy, but I'm still on the journey of learning to love life again.

So they were my resolutions for 2019, let's look at the goals I want to set myself this year.

1. To write more. 

Both on my blog and personally, I'd like to finish my first draft of my first book this year.

2. To be mentally healthy. 

I don't mean "cured" I just mean knowing how to acknowledge and handle my head, and to keep toxicity and negativeness away from me. I'd like to be off of my antidepressants by the end of the year.

3. To work on myself and be selfish.

I want to set myself intentions and I want to be in a really good place. I've been working really hard the past few months and I'm becoming a better person each day. I want to continue this rhythm and really become the person I've been striving for all these years.

4. To become stronger.

Both physically and mentally. I have become so so weak in 2019. I want to feel like I can handle every situation thrown at me, I felt so broken at one point and all I could think about was working to be a stronger person. I want to take up boxing classes at my gym, I want to build my muscles, and I want to mentally feel empowered.

5. Do my YouTube.

So YouTube is something I've wanted to do since I was 14 years old. Today I've just posted my first ever proper sit down and talk to  a camera video. On personal development. It's a scary niche of YouTube to suddenly throw yourself in but I really want to challenge myself to it.

6. Finances.

Oh my goodness I've never been so financially screwed. I've got debt people calling me everyday, my phone has been cut off, I'm minus £40 in the bank and have £80 charges coming out the second I get money back in. I've been both irresponsible but also out of my depth. Uni cost a lot, I was practically forced out of my job, and spent what money I had left in Ibiza in October. 

My goal is to be either fully debt free or well on my way to being so, by the end of 2020. Because I need a credit score to be able to move out into my own place some day.

So they are my goals for 2020, and I think I'm going to accomplish all of them. Tomorrow I'm going to set up my bullet journal and really break down my goals and timeline for the year. I'm feeling very optimistic about this year, it's been a long time coming but it's going to be a good one. 2019 was for healing. 2020 is for rebuilding, striving, and achieving. 

Shan x