floating in the clouds

Happy first day of 2020. This year is a big year for me, it's a year of facing fears, setting and achieving goals, becoming my own person again and falling in love with the little things in life once more. I've mentioned so much that 2019 was tough. 2020 is the year I get myself back, heal from my mental breakdown, and become a brand new person. I love writing these posts, I've been doing them for years now. I start with going back at my goals I set at the start of 2019, evaluate how well I did with them, then set my new goals for the following year. One of my favourite posts of the year. Let's go! 1. "Get my damn tattoo!" I'd been so desperate to get my Peter Pan tattoo since I was 18 and finally legal. But something in me stopped me going. This year I definitely achieved that goal, and got a total of three tattoos. I spoke more about them in my previous post. 2. "To not give up" I was well and truly being defeated by my mental brea...

And just like that, 2019 finally comes to a close. It's been a tough year for almost everyone I know. But it's also been a year of growth and healing. I've been at my absolute lowest points this year, but also experienced some of my biggest highs.  One moment that really stood out was when I was in Ibiza watching the sun set on the Old Town, I was sat on a roof of a building at the top of the city. I had this "infinite" feeling and actually said "It's so weird that things like depression and mental health exist in the world when there are also nights like these that exist" because in that moment it felt so impossible that I could ever have depression knowing the world was this beautiful. However two weeks later I was actually desperately clinging on to reasons to live as though that night had never happened. I thought this post was going to be sad. I've been through a hell of a lot this year and I thought I was here to reflect on how misera...

I wrote half of this post out months ago. It's a very hard one to write, and even harder to decide if it should be published. But I'm embarking on a new chapter in my life right now, and I kinda want to start afresh and I feel this post needs to go up so I can be completely transparent on here. I have mentioned in other posts that my mental health hasn't been on par this year but I really want to sit down and talk about it properly. It's going to be a long post, but it's something I feel is detrimental to my journey and moving onto to my next chapter. My mental health this year caused me to drop out of uni, it made me fall out of love with nursing and caring for people. After identifying myself as a "nurse" for so long and being a carer for four years which I absolutely adored, that suddenly turning into the biggest cause of my panic attacks and mood dips, has absolutely broken my heart. But people change, I'm only 21 and I have so much to learn and ...