floating in the clouds

This year has been one hell of a year. I'm starting a whole project and posting lots of content in the new year based around self development, my 2019, and my mental health. But I feel that there is a huge elephant in the room that has to be addressed. Because tip toeing around it whilst trying to talk openly about my mental health and this past year, isn't really working. Everything leads back to the elephant. Because that's where my epiphany happened. More on that soon. So here goes. 2019 was the worst year of my life. But I feel like it's unfair to say that because I spent 2019 making amazing memories with someone I love very dearly. And I was happy then. Or so I thought. I'm not saying I wasn't happy with my boyfriend because I most definitely was. But I somewhat used him in the way American's use duck tape -a temporary fix for something that actually needs some serious TLC. Please note, I am not saying the relationship was fake. I had just ent...

I was tagged to do the 'Vogue parody 73 questions challenge', based off of the 73 questions Vogue do with celebrities on YouTube. I love doing things like this so a massive thank you to "Leah"  for tagging me to do this, and "Emily" for starting it. The rules are to link the post back to Emily's original post, answer the questions and tag others to do the same. Emily's original post is "here" So, here are the questions: 1. What is your usual Starbucks order? This time of year it is the specials, so the Christmas drinks or previously a pumpkin spiced latte which is my favourite Starbucks drink. Aside from that my usual go to coffee at the moment is a chai latte with a shot of coffee. 2. What does your work station look like? I write most of my blog posts in my bed, or more recently I have been writing in a bar or coffee shop I like. 3. Favourite food? Breakfast food. I love going out for breakfast dates for avo-toas...

Sometimes one bad day can make all the good days feel worthless. Sometimes you can spend weeks working on yourself and bettering yourself and trying to build a stronger person, and it works. You build this strong, healthy person who has a more positive outlook on things, and then, one bad day. It's funny -but really just infuriating, how that works. How can you spend so much time on yourself and have weeks of feeling good, only to have this one bad day be so powerful and overwhelming it's like none of the other weeks counted? Like none of the other weeks meant anything. A harsh reminder that you're not okay. A deep, dark pit in your stomach telling you that the weeks of work you put into your mental health was a facade, a trick to keep your mind occupied until the next wave of depression hit. The gut wrenching feeling of -is this it? Is my life going to filled with these periods of time where everything feels fine, only to be set on fire and burned to the ground when...

Bonfire night is one of my favourite nights of the year, this end of the year is my favourite because there's always something going on, Halloween had just finished and bonfire night was just around the corner. I realise I'm a little late posting this, but absolutely had to when I was looking back through my photos. Abbey park fireworks is all the rage in Leicester, it's "the place" to go. But the last few years it seems to have lost it's magic. We started to go to the one in Whetstone at the Vipers ground and it is the best firework show I've ever seen. They go so overboard with the fireworks despite it being quite a small, intimate place, there's a small fair, an even smaller BBQ (but the queue is relatively fast) and plenty of beer (whilst being predominantly child friendly). I absolutely love it there, the bonfire is so huge and the heat that comes off of it is almost unbearable but I love being warm, wrapped up in coat and bobble hat, drink in han...

The start of a new month could not have come soon enough. October turned out to be a really rough month for me, but I'm optimistic going into November, I know I'm going into it with some struggles and setting new goals is going to be hard but I'm still aiming to have a good month. One of my October goals was to get a job. I did get a job before we went to Ibiza but I had to turn it down as it isn't practical for me anymore. I had another interview but was rejected, and had an amazing interview today which I'm waiting to hear back from. I was hoping to achieve 200 followers on instagram this month, but after having a rough few weeks I haven't been working on my blog or socials so I don't feel I worked for it, yet I somehow made it, to 195 followers! Which I am so proud of. I also wanted to start prepping for Blogmas which I have done, I believe three posts are already written. Lastly I was really struggling with my body confidence going on holiday in Ibiza a...

I'm sorry I haven't been around. I am truly going through it right now. I've been healing, planning, scheming and even doing the odd bit of actually living. I know. Wow. I'm planning on doing a huge project in the new year where I'll really go into detail on why I fell down the rabbit hole of depression again and really working hard to raise awareness, and create a whole journey of how I'm rebuilding my life from scratch. The next two months are going to be spent planning that journey out so I can put the best content and real version of myself out there. I'm really excited. And you should be too. But onto the actual post. All my Halloween plans had fell through this year but I had this sudden spurt of inspiration on Halloween eve (that is a thing), I got myself dolled up (spooky version) and headed into town for possibly the last pumpkin spiced latte of the season, wandered around a few shops at all the Halloween sections, bought some new decorations fo...