floating in the clouds

There was a point in my life, not all that long ago, where I had lost all hope, and I was desperately trying to cling on and find  something  worth living for. Because sometimes depression, or just a really tough period, feels  so big,  its so dense, and heavy. And sometimes "having hope" or believing that the storm will pass soon is not enough. Sometimes the promise of better days isn't enough to get you through the now. A few months ago I came across a list online, from someone else grasping at straws and trying to find reasons to carry on, and it resonated with me. I loved it, and used that same strategy, it was just a list of little things that seem so silly in being able to help your low moods, but sometimes its the little things that we need. The bigger picture is too much to cope with. Trying to say "oh I'll be happier once I get out of my job" or "move house" "leave my toxic relationship" are heavy, dense things, they are big lif...

I do love a good self care Sunday. There's something about having a little reset day before taking on Monday and setting goals for the new week.  I also love a me-time day. I don't get much of it at the moment because whenever I'm not working I'm trying to fill my days up with plans with friends, running errands, writing or going to the gym. A lot of things are slipping through my fingers and not getting done and the weeks are whizzing by, so it's nice just to dedicate Sunday to slowing time down a bit and taking care of me. Despite me actually working on Sundays. So I got home from work, changed into my dressing gown like the grandma I am, made a cuppa and started filling the bath. I recently bought a face mask from the Millie Bobby Brown collection, Florence and really loved it. I knew I needed to talk about it on my blog because I'm such a huge fan of Stranger Things and MBB, I had high hopes for her brand and was surprised by the genuine quality of it and...

So I haven't done one of these posts in forever.  I used to love my Monday mornings, sat down with a cuppa and chatting about the music I'd been listening to the past week. A whole lot has changed in my life since then that it almost feels weird to look back at it now, I've been a whole three other personalities since the old Currently Listening To's. Music has always been a huge part of my life and the songs I listen to always have some deep meaning to me, which is where these posts started. I was so terrified to let people see the dark corners of my mind by talking about my favourite songs, but I love picking songs to pieces and talking about how and why they impact me, so alas, Currently Listening To was born. They're some of my most read posts and favourite to write about so that's why I've decided to reboot them up again! My music taste is going through an odd sort of stage right now, I've been listening to a lot of songs about being independent...

I've been a bit distant lately, both on my blog and in real life. I've been trying to sit down all week and attend to all the things I've been ignoring but it's just been one of those weeks really. Two weeks. Potentially three. I wanted to just sit down and have a little chatty post today, just a casual Sunday afternoon little catch up on anything new going on in my life at the moment. I've actually had quite a drama filled week, and I wish I could spill the tea because it would make for a good storytime post. But right now the timing is not appropriate... I might spill the tea later at some point once I know it's safe to do so. My life is like a soap opera sometimes, it's comical the things I have going on behind the scenes! But drama aside, and a cuppa in hand, let's catch up. Me and my friend met up for a coffee last week at Firebug in Leicester city centre, she's a journalist and blogger herself and every time we meet she gets me in the mood ...

Everyone seems to have this perception that, your mental breakdown ends and then you just start building your life back up again. I had that perception. I thought, I have my new job, my amazing friends, and a new found self love in myself. I can start building my life up again. I can build on what I've done so far and work on getting myself back to normal. I'm coming to the realisation it's not quite that simple. I've gone straight into a full time job after barely working for a whole year, and I thought it would be fine. But I didn't realise that actually, I've been quite ill, and like any other illness, going straight into a strenuous full time job is going to take a toll on your body after having so much time off. It's been a shock to the system and my head is exhausted from all the new stuff that's been thrown at it and the constant non existence of my comfort zone as I push myself everyday to get back to everyday life. That then lead me...

I feel as though I'm really neglecting my blog at the moment, I've been so consumed by my new job I haven't been thinking of posts to write, I haven't had that "I could make this into blog post" mindset and my blog has, in turn, took a backseat in my mind. Today's post however is being brought to you because I've had an odd sort of few weeks. I've been experiencing intense anxiety resulting in me dropping off the face of the planet, ghosting my friends, and being confined to my bedroom whenever I'm not working.  I wouldn't say I feel particularly out of control of my mental health, however decided that today I would make a trip to the doctors and see what they thought. And here I am now making this post. The most important goal for me this year is to fall back in love with life, to gain my life back, and work wholly on myself. I had a goal to come off of my antidepressants this year, and after today I had to a bit of a kick in the t...

Happy first day of 2020. This year is a big year for me, it's a year of facing fears, setting and achieving goals, becoming my own person again and falling in love with the little things in life once more. I've mentioned so much that 2019 was tough. 2020 is the year I get myself back, heal from my mental breakdown, and become a brand new person. I love writing these posts, I've been doing them for years now. I start with going back at my goals I set at the start of 2019, evaluate how well I did with them, then set my new goals for the following year. One of my favourite posts of the year. Let's go! 1. "Get my damn tattoo!" I'd been so desperate to get my Peter Pan tattoo since I was 18 and finally legal. But something in me stopped me going. This year I definitely achieved that goal, and got a total of three tattoos. I spoke more about them in my previous post. 2. "To not give up" I was well and truly being defeated by my mental brea...