Operation Change My Life: Growing Up
I'm getting a post up two days running! And that's on a day I'm babysitting from 7am 'till 10pm how I'm finding the time for this I don't know. And how I'm coping writing this when I've got two playful kittens trampling over the keyboard and trying to sleep on the laptop, I also don't know. But I'm managing. Almost.
So this post is inspired by a massive mistake I've made, one that could potentially ruin my life. I'd decided not to go to college until January for various reasons. This well thought out plan I had has now backfired in my face and I don't have anywhere to go next year. Yes, I've been accepted into my old college, but I really don't want to waste another year of my life doing something that isn't going to benefit me and my future. And because of that, it's really put me off the idea of going -even if I have no where else to go.
But next year I might not be able to get back into college, which is where I think I've ruined my life. I spent yesterday freaking out over the situation, I'm going into town -on my own on Tuesday to see if I can speak to someone. But essentially, I'm thinking of just taking a gap year. I don't have a clue what I want, I'm sick of being drowned in thoughts that stress me the hell out. I'm almost 18 and I want to live a little -whilst learning more about the world and being responsible. I'm not saying I want to go off the rails and have a mental teenage rave. I just want to get out in the real world and experience it, college isn't preparing me for that. Nothing is preparing me for that. Somehow I've grew up thinking that once I reach a certain age someone will teach me about what the real world is like -but no one has.. So I'm keen on the idea of a gap year so I can learn myself. Live a bit, and not stress out about what I need to be doing every second of the day that will prepare me for the future.
In this next year I need to do a lot of growing up, I'm honestly a baby, I'm learning to have more responsibilities but I refuse to speak to people, I never leave the house, I'm so lazy etc.
I'm at a really difficult stage of between adult and child. I'm too young, but I'm too old to be young. All this I can't 'I can't wait to be older so I can...' is now I'm this 'older' now. And I need to make that step up from child to adult.
So this new part of 'operation change my life' is about growing into an adult. Little things over the past few days have made me really feel like an adult. Such as speaking to old friends, I have this friend who was really childish and ditsy and fun to be around, but over the summer she's been working at this apprenticeship and she's really matured. When we speak to each other our conversations are 'adult like' and we talk about meeting up for a coffee. Which is what adults do.. I have another friend, who is a few years older than me and closer to my mum, she has two kids and she's finally settled into her own place. We went round to see her earlier this week, and seeing how grown she is, yet still very young, it made me really want her life. She has beautiful happy children and her life set out, and I'm so excited to be at that stage of my life.
I'm not a 'down and out' I'm not a scumbag. I really do care about my future, I want a career, a family, a nice house. I just need some time to figure out a plan, I need to work out who I am and who I am to become.
I'm going to better myself this next year. I'm going to bounce back and I'm going to dominate. I'm going to get the life I want.
Shaan x
So this post is inspired by a massive mistake I've made, one that could potentially ruin my life. I'd decided not to go to college until January for various reasons. This well thought out plan I had has now backfired in my face and I don't have anywhere to go next year. Yes, I've been accepted into my old college, but I really don't want to waste another year of my life doing something that isn't going to benefit me and my future. And because of that, it's really put me off the idea of going -even if I have no where else to go.
But next year I might not be able to get back into college, which is where I think I've ruined my life. I spent yesterday freaking out over the situation, I'm going into town -on my own on Tuesday to see if I can speak to someone. But essentially, I'm thinking of just taking a gap year. I don't have a clue what I want, I'm sick of being drowned in thoughts that stress me the hell out. I'm almost 18 and I want to live a little -whilst learning more about the world and being responsible. I'm not saying I want to go off the rails and have a mental teenage rave. I just want to get out in the real world and experience it, college isn't preparing me for that. Nothing is preparing me for that. Somehow I've grew up thinking that once I reach a certain age someone will teach me about what the real world is like -but no one has.. So I'm keen on the idea of a gap year so I can learn myself. Live a bit, and not stress out about what I need to be doing every second of the day that will prepare me for the future.
In this next year I need to do a lot of growing up, I'm honestly a baby, I'm learning to have more responsibilities but I refuse to speak to people, I never leave the house, I'm so lazy etc.
I'm at a really difficult stage of between adult and child. I'm too young, but I'm too old to be young. All this I can't 'I can't wait to be older so I can...' is now I'm this 'older' now. And I need to make that step up from child to adult.
So this new part of 'operation change my life' is about growing into an adult. Little things over the past few days have made me really feel like an adult. Such as speaking to old friends, I have this friend who was really childish and ditsy and fun to be around, but over the summer she's been working at this apprenticeship and she's really matured. When we speak to each other our conversations are 'adult like' and we talk about meeting up for a coffee. Which is what adults do.. I have another friend, who is a few years older than me and closer to my mum, she has two kids and she's finally settled into her own place. We went round to see her earlier this week, and seeing how grown she is, yet still very young, it made me really want her life. She has beautiful happy children and her life set out, and I'm so excited to be at that stage of my life.
I'm not a 'down and out' I'm not a scumbag. I really do care about my future, I want a career, a family, a nice house. I just need some time to figure out a plan, I need to work out who I am and who I am to become.
I'm going to better myself this next year. I'm going to bounce back and I'm going to dominate. I'm going to get the life I want.
Shaan x
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