Bouncing Back
Coming out of an emotional funk is one of the hardest things to do, for me personally. I've been stuck in a downwards spiral of emotions for a few months and coming out of it has been so, so challenging for me and I don't really know why I'm writing this post because it's awfully personal to be putting out on the internet but I'm proud of myself for having a moment today where I thought 'life isn't so bad, I feel happy' and it dawned on me then just how long it had been since I'd felt like that.
Of course I've been happy over the last few months, Christmas was happy, New year was, spending times with friends and family was. But I haven't felt happiness in the sense that I could step back and really appreciate my life.
Because in all honesty, my life over the past few months have been shit.
And the worst part is, nothing tragic has happened to make me go on this downward spiral I've been on, I just got tired of existing. Which breaks my heart to say.
I found myself having no choice but to reach out for help and even then I just felt worse, last week I'd reached my lowest point where I was just so sick of fighting to feel 'me' again I wanted the world to go blank.
I skipped out on two weeks of my nursing placement because I'd hit my head and given myself a concussion, and just didn't have it in me to go back. But I had no choice in the matter that I had to. If I didn't go back I'd have thrown away my dream career and then there wouldn't be a way out of this funk.
A week later I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Placement has made me remember how much I want this and how important it is to me to care for people, I've been progressing more than I should be and without being big headed I feel like a natural at what I do. Giving myself a sense of identity gave me the small boost I needed to move back out of my mums and to my student accommodation again, and my friend taking me out to dinner yesterday gave me another boost to clean today and have a very productive day.
Those small things: my career, my friend taking care of me, and a clean space have been the world of good. That and along with working with my doctors, I'm happy to say, I might just be okay.
Shan x
Of course I've been happy over the last few months, Christmas was happy, New year was, spending times with friends and family was. But I haven't felt happiness in the sense that I could step back and really appreciate my life.
Because in all honesty, my life over the past few months have been shit.
And the worst part is, nothing tragic has happened to make me go on this downward spiral I've been on, I just got tired of existing. Which breaks my heart to say.
I found myself having no choice but to reach out for help and even then I just felt worse, last week I'd reached my lowest point where I was just so sick of fighting to feel 'me' again I wanted the world to go blank.
I skipped out on two weeks of my nursing placement because I'd hit my head and given myself a concussion, and just didn't have it in me to go back. But I had no choice in the matter that I had to. If I didn't go back I'd have thrown away my dream career and then there wouldn't be a way out of this funk.
A week later I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Placement has made me remember how much I want this and how important it is to me to care for people, I've been progressing more than I should be and without being big headed I feel like a natural at what I do. Giving myself a sense of identity gave me the small boost I needed to move back out of my mums and to my student accommodation again, and my friend taking me out to dinner yesterday gave me another boost to clean today and have a very productive day.
Those small things: my career, my friend taking care of me, and a clean space have been the world of good. That and along with working with my doctors, I'm happy to say, I might just be okay.
Shan x
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