floating in the clouds

I don't know how this post is going to turn out, it may be one I delete at some point, but right now I don't have a friend directly on hand who I can rant with what's happening and if I don't speak about it now then it's going to ruin my good mood and I refuse to let that happen. I've had my fair share of toxic friendships. Most of the people I've ever befriended during the high school days were people who I happened to fall into. None of them were particularly nice people. In one friend group we'd spend our days b*tching about one person, then the next day we'd be with that person b*tching about another.The main rule for a lot of my old friendships was just to make sure that they never knew the real you. You had to be fake to survive. And that's why I moved around a lot. Because I'm just not into that kind of thing, and I'd accidentally do something that messed up this system and the whole thing would collapse and everyone would turn o

I never got round to posting this yesterday and I'm so mad because I've been waiting all week to post it. I had such a busy day, I didn't stop until 8pm where I went straight to bed. I've got another busy day today but I have to get this post done before I explode, because I'm so damn excited! So I've sat down with my kittens snuggled up at my feet, and my new favourite songs playing... source Okay so I started the week off listening to all my oldies goldies that I posted about last week... And then, I came across a new song that had just been released from a band I hadn't listened to in so long. So after that one song came many more. Until I was head over heels in love with them. I have this annoying thing -I think it's just a fangirl thing (which I hate being) where when I listen to a new band that takes over my life, and I get butterflies every time I hear them or get a song stuck in my head.. So this new, but old band I'm in love with.

I've done nothing all day and I really wanted to write a post but I'm clueless as to what to write about. I just want to chill and relax. And listen to my new absolute favourite band (more on that tomorrow). But thankfully, I saw someone's post which inspired me to write this one... I'd woken up pretty early and I had a feeling that it was going to be a productive day, so I spent the morning on You Tube waiting for everyone else to wake up. And when they did, I had some breakfast, but nobody was in a cheery mood like I was so I took myself back to bed and continued my journey on YouTube. Around 1pm my mum shouted at me for being antisocial, so I went to get some lunch. And returned back upstairs to watch more band videos on YouTube. I went back down for some tea at some point. It's now past dinner time and I'm going to make some more food soon. It's Autumn that does this to me. It's starting to get colder, therefore the weeks of sweaty bed covers hav

I've had a pretty crap few days. Like, rock bottom crap. Life ending, no purpose, lonely, shut away, very very sad kind of crap. I've mentioned a few times how little people I have in my very close circle, because I cut a lot of people out who were bringing negativity into my life. It gave me this really nice little family who meant everything to me. But now it's starting to get unbalanced, and I think someone is going to have to leave my life, which is going to hurt like a bitch. But this person is really starting to bring me down, and I can't afford that to happen. Also, my biggest stress -my future, has reached absolute maximum stress and put me at breaking point. Someone reached out to me to speak to me about possibilities I could do for this year until I apply for college (possibly) next year. So I've been looking at apprenticeships but I don't like the look of any of them, it's a stressful process and my future's a mess. And it was a breaking poi

I wasn't going to post a currently listening to this week because I've only really got one song to post about. But right now I'm having an 'oldies' marathon and it's making me feel so good I need to write a post about it. I'll start with the song I've listened to all week which is: Fight Song - Rachel Platten , this song is one of those that the modern day charts should be. It's powerful, meaningful, girl power pro, and it'll be stuck in your head all day. It's a song I'll definitely go to when I'm having a low self esteem day, it's definitely going to have that place in my heart forever. It's my kind of heart pouring, meaningful song. Okay, the rest of the songs I'm listening to right now. Poison - Alice Cooper , this song. It's too good. This kind of era and sound of music is just my entire childhood. This is the first music I knew, the first songs I'd be dancing to in the back of the car so hard I'd

I don't know what's happening to me. I'm doing everything in my power to not whip out the Christmas songs and decorate my room. I haven't felt that proper Christmas excitement in two years -I was worried I'd grown out of it, but to be excited as early as September ? I've never been this early. And I get annoyed when shops are celebrating it before Halloween and Bonfire Night, but I'm just so ready! I've been like this for days! I wanted to do a post to say I'm excited and make it a Christmassy themed post but not too Christmassy because that's ruining it for the actual season, but I couldn't think what, I have one idea but it will take time to do and I need to post now. I've come upstairs to write out my Christmas list and prioritise what I want, so instead I decided to just put it on my blog. This is September's Christmas list: (Some stuff may be brought before actual Christmas -it's semi a winter wishlist too) A record play

I have been pretty crap at posting at the minute. I think I'm going through a writer's block, because other times where I have periods of absence is because my blog isn't on my mind. But everyday I'm trying to think of something to post but nothing comes to mind... I could definitely think of something to whip up but I refuse to ever force myself to a post. If I ain't feeling it then I ain't feeling it and that's that. I think it's because I've had a bad week, I haven't gone out running (I tried to, but ended up at McDonald's for a second breakfast instead..) and I've been stuck in a lot and stressing over my future. But today I've been vlogging. For no particular reason, I've been watching last years vlogmas from this new YouTube channel I'm really loving at the minute. Her name is sunbeamsjess and she is just my kind of person. Watching all her vlogs from her second channel (extrasunbeamsjess) has just given me the urge to

Ugh I am miserable! My blogging was on a roll!  I was posting so well and then I disappeared again.. I have been struck with a plague of an illness. I have no idea what the hell my body is playing at, I was down the hospital a few days ago because of these ghastly pains. But that is something I'm not going to talk about because I will be here for half an hour describing my anger towards the NHS. And this post isn't an NHS rant. It's a Monday kind of post. And with Monday's, come a playlist of music I've been listening to all week. I am starting to feel better which is good, but the weather is making me feel poo, I am back to stressing about my future because new opportunities to get into college this year have arisen, and I have almost finished The Vampire Diaries, and I'm not sure what I can dedicate my life to after I've finished that.. But anyway, here's some songs I've been listening to this week. The Girl Who Cried Wolf - 5sos , in my S

This happened in July sometime, or maybe August. It was when I'd broken my laptop charger and couldn't post. I still took lots of photos and planned loads of posts but when I got my laptop back working I never actually posted any of them. So this is one of those posts, which I found the photos to yesterday. WAC stands for -I think, Wheelchair Awareness Challenge. I have a friend who uses a wheelchair and his family set up a charity event where they would walk from Leicester to Blackpool which is somewhere around 160 miles away. The point was to push the wheelchair across the country and raise money for various children's charities. It took place over the period of 8 days, and was a challenging experience for all involved. Me, my friend, my mum and my brother joined only for the first day as we had responsibilities at home that we couldn't just leave for 8 days. In the first day we walked from Leicester city centre to Loughborough city centre, we had done no training,

I have a little while to spare before I need to get ready and look presentable enough to hand in my CV somewhere *silent squeals* so I really want to do a post on what's been happening the past two mornings. Now that my brother is back to school and my mum is at work, I have the days entirely to myself, and that's when I like to get stuff done, like tidying my room/chores/job searching etc. The last two days I've got back into running in the mornings, I haven't ran all holidays. So ten weeks of laziness was going to clearly give me a tough time, and wow it really did. Today I ran double what I managed yesterday. But I'm not here to talk about my fitness levels. I'm here because the friendliness of people in the mornings has given me faith in humanity again. I honestly see nothing but.. hideousness from where I live (and I live in a nice little, quiet little village). So when I went to the local park on a groggy September's morning, keeping myself to myself

Mondays just come round far too quickly. However I'm ready and rearing with plenty o' songs to be chatting about. I'm back to a few oldies that just keep cropping up on these posts, but I love them and I can't stop listening, that's how you know they're a really good song.. Biblical - Biffy Clyro , starting this off with a song that I have fell head over utter heels with. I just love everything about this song. This is my music taste summed up all in one. Kind of. Almost. I just love it so much, I love the accent, I love accents in songs anyways, but this song is really beautifully accented. I love how it's a rocky song but it's made soft with strings playing in the background.. This song has just been on constant repeat. Death Of A Bachelor - Panic! At The Disco , panic released this last week and it's very different. I love it. It's jazzy, and very 1920s-y with a modern twist, and I love the 1920s era. Brendon's voice is perfectly sui

Yesterday was a bit of an odd post really, it seemed very downhearted which is what I was semi going for, but then realised it just turned into a pretty depressing post.. But hey, that's what teenage years are about aren't they ? Today is another utterly unprepared, just thought of post. And also an kind of sequel to yesterdays post. I'm just feeling happy and inspired and my fingers are bubbly and tingly and I just need to blurt out some utter rubbish that is currently in my brain and smile about it. Today's post is my 'I'm excited to leave behind my teens and become an adult' which is actually bullsh*t as I'm 17 and definitely not ready to not be a teenager. But I've got the (I don't think there's a term for it) grown up -opposite of- jitters. That makes no sense. I'm just excited to be more mature. I've found that I no longer want to be childish, I want coffee dates with friends where we talk about life, and I want girly evening

I was thinking earlier today about growing up and being mature, getting a job, a house, blah blah blah. And then I was thinking, I'm getting ready to move on from teenagehood, and embrace adult life, but I haven't had the teenage experience I spent a lot of my child years craving. in fact, being a teenager have been the worst years of my life. Teenagers are not 'carefree and happy' they're loaded with pressure and expectations. So I thought I'd do a post on why being a teenager really hasn't exactly turned out to be what I was hoping for. source Starting with high school. I was so excited to go high school, to carry books around with me and to be cute and geeky, to be friends with everyone and participate in class, the presentations, the inside jokes with different classes... But really high school is place where if you're not rich or popular -get out. Teachers hate the unpopular kids, students hate the unpopular kids. People turn against their be

My brother started year 1 today. Big boy school. Leaving the house at 8 o' something in the morning, wearing a jumper because it was cold, ground wet and soggy (It wasn't summer rain (which I love) it was groggy winter rain) we found orange leaves on the floor. Autumn is here. There aren't enough words in the world for me to describe how much I hate the cold. To the point I will actually cry if I'm stuck outside in it. Not because I'm a brat. Because it feels like someone is torturing me, I don't mix well with the cold. Therefore it is true that the only season I really enjoy is summer. However even summer is cold in England.. So yes, I am distraught that summer is gone, but, I do really like autumn, it's my favourite season (if we're not counting heat)  Here's why.. source 1, Oversized  woolly jumpers 2, Sweater paws 3, Candles 4, Having the fire on 5, Halloween 6, Everything is red and orange 7, Boots 8,