Six month mental health update

Hi. It's been a hooooot minute since I've posted. I'd decided not to pressure myself into posting during lockdown, I get most of my inspiration for posts by going out and living and then writing them out in coffee shops, so I took a relaxed approach with my blog vowing to only post if I had something to say. But I should know myself better by now, that when I stop writing I really stop writing and my blog has consequently ended up as far back and tucked away as my mind allows. I've also taken up a lot of new things whilst in quarantine so my mind has been occupied with multiple different things everyday. I even contemplated writing this blog off and creating a new one which was more focussed towards something, I often feel like this blog isn't really "anything" except a jumble of random thoughts I have at a current moment. But I try not to have that thought for too long.

I'm going to have a proper sit down and think about what I want to do with my blog. There's lots of topics I want to talk about and lots of versions of myself I'd like to express, I just need to find the right way to do it. 

As for this post, I'm going to do a little mental health check in. Six months after my vow of truly overcoming my mental health for this year, I felt it was a nice idea to see how far I've come.

As a reminder of background information, I was in a clinical mental breakdown last year that had started in 2018 where I was officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD and insomnia. I had lost absolutely everything that was important to me and this year was about trying to get it all back.

The aim was and is to rebuild my life again.

And here is my progress:

- I'm officially weaning off of my anti-depressants, which I'll do a proper post on once I'm off of them completely. It is going much better than I thought it would, my only fear is that once I'm off them fully I won't be able to sleep.

- My biggest accomplishment is getting my personality back. I lost everything about who I was last year including everything that made me, me. I'm now back in love with the colour yellow, sunflowers, writing, being in my own space and caring about things again. A lot of people have commented on how much better I am to be around now and how much more I am out of my shell. 

- I've picked up three new hobbies\lifestyle changes, which are writing poetry, roller skating, and being more connected to nature, crystals the law of attraction and being more in tune with myself and surroundings. And once lockdown is over I want to go back dancing again and kickboxing.

- I've let go of the last remaining toxic people in my life so that I have nothing but positivity surrounding me now and I have rebuilt relationships with old friends, current friends, my family, and even got back in touch with my dad. I hadn't spoken to him in years for personal reasons and being back in touch has filled a part of me I hadn't realised was missing.

- I'm still battling so much with my low moods and depressive episodes but I've learnt how to look after myself whilst in them and how to not let it grip a hold of me. I've learnt when to accept I'm having a bad day and when to say "no, I need to push myself through this".

- I take more pride in my appearance. Wearing nice clothes and doing my makeup and skin care, not because I feel insecure without it but because I feel more put together with it. 

- I'm so much more productive, I've been keeping a tidy(ish) room, doing my washing more regularly and forcing myself to clean when it's the last thing I want to do. I actually really enjoy a good cleaning spree. 

- I have been really struggling with body issues this year, I've put a lot of weight on, undone all the hard work I've done the past three years and developed bad binging habits. But I'm working on it and forcing myself to love and accept my body no matter what it looks like. (I'll be doing a post on how I'm learning to love myself and gain confidence soon).

I've had a lot of depressive episodes this year, a lot of insecurities have been plaguing my mind, and it still is an everyday battle to choose happiness. But I have come along in leaps and bounds I am so content most of the time, I'm independent again and do things off of my own back and am putting the pieces back together. I can't put into words how god damn proud I am of myself for overcoming the most challenging and gruelling year of my life, and remember just how beautiful life can be. 

Obviously covid and lockdown has interrupted a lot of life this year, hence the weight I've put on and depressive episodes, but I'm happy. Which isn't something I could even fathom last year. I never saw a day I'd feel like this again, and I'm not even finished this journey yet - this is just a 6 month update. 

So that's that, I'm doing really well at the moment, I will be getting some blog planning done and getting back into it properly, today was just a little "hello here's whats going on with me" kinda post to warm us all back up. 

Have a lovely day.

Shan x