Taking Baby Steps With Operation 'Change My Life'
As usual, I can be really motivated for one day and make all these plans to change who I am and even go as far as blogging about it, make a few pitiful attempts at things I want to do -in half measures only. Then give up. Then go back to being unmotivated and procrastinate the 'change' I'm trying to achieve. This time round I haven't completely given up, I'm holding back. The change I'm trying to make, the thing I'm building up for, it's scary, and I don't know if I want to even reach that far. Therefore the measures I have to take, they have to be extreme, I have to go right in the deep end just to reach a baby step of a milestone to where I eventually need to be.
That sounds almost impossible, but once the biggest, scariest hurdle is crossed the rest will come more easily -still challenging, but rewarding.
I have taken small steps into making a few changes, it lasted a few days then stopped (it's been a bad week) (even though I'm fighting to be able to work through bad weeks) it's going to sound really stupid because the changes I've made are what most people do everyday anyways.. so don't judge me too hard on this next bit.
I was home alone, normally that would have meant staying in my bed watching Pretty Little Liars until my mum got home (that sounds even worse when it's typed out).
But I was motivated that day and I wanted to do something worthwhile.
By 11 o'clock I'd got out of bed at a reasonable time, eaten, worked out, put on my second load of washing while the first was drying on the line in the garden, and I'd just filled the sink ready for washing last night's pots.
It was strangely satisfying to peg out my washing on the line, sun shining and warming my skin, birds singing in the trees, the air being that early morning summery feeling.. It felt strangely perfect. That is something almost everyone does almost everyday, and for me personally, having that responsibility that I'd done the washing myself and I'd put it out to dry myself, it made me feel so grown up. And it's these simple things that keep me motivated and in high spirits -it's just so hard to convince myself in the first place that I'll enjoy myself once I get off my ass.
To work out in the morning -to get so into it and lash out and burn every calorie I possibly can until my body aches so hard I can't stand any longer (or for the next three days) is so so satisfying, I felt so good for it, and I'll do it again this Monday when I'm left home alone again. I'm going to work out, do housework, college work, get my 'currently listening to' post up on time! And I'm going to enjoy it, and it's going to keep me inspired for the rest of the week.
This past week I've been very good at getting college work done. My teacher had asked me to hand in some papers in that should have been done a while ago. I looked through my work and found I'd done half of them already I was just so unorganised I never got round to handing them in. So on the Thursday I had her lesson I shocked her by handing in all my work. (I make it sound like I'm an awful student who never does anything I'm supposed to, but I do I just get a little unorganised at times and things get lost and forgotten about until I'm chased for them).
I finally made my portfolio up. I finished an assignment. The biggest achievement of it all was on client night last Tuesday. I'd chickened out last minute and one of clients cancelled so I tried to worm my out of it by volunteering to be the salon manager. All was good until clients came in who had no available therapist.. My teacher asked me to do it and assured me that I could do it, so I did it. And then she gave me another client, and another. Yes it was freaking scary! My hands were shaking like mad on one of my treatments, but by the end of the night I was so happy with myself I ended up really enjoying it and I honestly went home flying on a cloud. I passed every assessment I set out to do with flying colours.
I know I can do these things. I'm just too scared to let myself shine.
I wrote this to inspire myself because I'm having a pretty sh*tty day.. (I'm ill again..WHY!?) and I need to keep doing things outside my comfort box because I thrive on things that scare me -I just get too scared to be scared and that's my problem. (which is pretty obvious really because who wouldn't?)
Shaan x
That sounds almost impossible, but once the biggest, scariest hurdle is crossed the rest will come more easily -still challenging, but rewarding.
*my very own washing*
I have taken small steps into making a few changes, it lasted a few days then stopped (it's been a bad week) (even though I'm fighting to be able to work through bad weeks) it's going to sound really stupid because the changes I've made are what most people do everyday anyways.. so don't judge me too hard on this next bit.
I was home alone, normally that would have meant staying in my bed watching Pretty Little Liars until my mum got home (that sounds even worse when it's typed out).
But I was motivated that day and I wanted to do something worthwhile.
By 11 o'clock I'd got out of bed at a reasonable time, eaten, worked out, put on my second load of washing while the first was drying on the line in the garden, and I'd just filled the sink ready for washing last night's pots.
It was strangely satisfying to peg out my washing on the line, sun shining and warming my skin, birds singing in the trees, the air being that early morning summery feeling.. It felt strangely perfect. That is something almost everyone does almost everyday, and for me personally, having that responsibility that I'd done the washing myself and I'd put it out to dry myself, it made me feel so grown up. And it's these simple things that keep me motivated and in high spirits -it's just so hard to convince myself in the first place that I'll enjoy myself once I get off my ass.
To work out in the morning -to get so into it and lash out and burn every calorie I possibly can until my body aches so hard I can't stand any longer (or for the next three days) is so so satisfying, I felt so good for it, and I'll do it again this Monday when I'm left home alone again. I'm going to work out, do housework, college work, get my 'currently listening to' post up on time! And I'm going to enjoy it, and it's going to keep me inspired for the rest of the week.
This past week I've been very good at getting college work done. My teacher had asked me to hand in some papers in that should have been done a while ago. I looked through my work and found I'd done half of them already I was just so unorganised I never got round to handing them in. So on the Thursday I had her lesson I shocked her by handing in all my work. (I make it sound like I'm an awful student who never does anything I'm supposed to, but I do I just get a little unorganised at times and things get lost and forgotten about until I'm chased for them).
I finally made my portfolio up. I finished an assignment. The biggest achievement of it all was on client night last Tuesday. I'd chickened out last minute and one of clients cancelled so I tried to worm my out of it by volunteering to be the salon manager. All was good until clients came in who had no available therapist.. My teacher asked me to do it and assured me that I could do it, so I did it. And then she gave me another client, and another. Yes it was freaking scary! My hands were shaking like mad on one of my treatments, but by the end of the night I was so happy with myself I ended up really enjoying it and I honestly went home flying on a cloud. I passed every assessment I set out to do with flying colours.
I know I can do these things. I'm just too scared to let myself shine.
I wrote this to inspire myself because I'm having a pretty sh*tty day.. (I'm ill again..WHY!?) and I need to keep doing things outside my comfort box because I thrive on things that scare me -I just get too scared to be scared and that's my problem. (which is pretty obvious really because who wouldn't?)
Shaan x
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