Taking Control Of My Life

I've been a bit absent this week, it's been a tiring week at college. I wanted to get my 'currently listening to' post up but on Monday I was bombarded with responsibilities (probably not responsibilities to anyone else, I was very new to it. And I think I'm going to make it a follow up post to this one)

So, my future is a very scary topic for me, I want to be someone extraordinary, I don't want a dead end job, I want people to know who I am, I want to have so much pride in what I do so that when future friends/boyfriends ask what I do they can think wow, she knows who she is and what she wants. Right now, that person definitely isn't me. If I'm completely honest, my life is a mess I have no control over anything in my life, I don't even have my own life. My life is my mum's life, I've never done anything without her (doctors, shops, leaving the house) it's not that she's overprotective it's that I'm physically unable to leave her side. I think this post is going to be a long one.

My teacher was speaking to me about my future today. She explained how what I'm currently doing isn't really me and she's right. I enjoy beauty I love makeup and everything I've learnt this past year -but I don't want to use these skills locked up in a salon all day doing the same thing to different people. So she recommended an alternative which kept me in the beauty field, but gave me my 'extraordinary career life' I want so badly.
So I came home and researched and looked into who I could become and I freaked! I have so much potential to be this perfect, career driven, extraordinary person. If I choose this path. Which is where it gets difficult.. I have to be career driven, I have to be extremely motivated, I have to be a strong, powerful, and confident woman. Which isn't even close to who I am now. I'm a shy teenage girl who spends her life in bed on Netflix or Tumblr -reblogging things because I'm too damn shy to post my own stuff! My best friend doesn't know about my blog, I'm lying to her about my instagram because I'm scared she'll judge my photos (I know damn well she won't) I'm hopeless...
This is such a strangely personal thing to share, but I'm really writing this for myself and this blog is somewhere I want to be real -and this is real, it's who I am.
The reason I'm writing this is because I'm not going to let my dream life escape from the grip of my hands just because I didn't have the confidence to pursue it. I'm sorting my life out. I'm going to change. I'm going to learn to be confident and I'm going to put myself so far out there that I can't see my own worries.
(without being totally big-headed) I know I have a talent, and I'm a complete fool if I throw this away. Not everyone can do this but I have a chance to... who in the right mind wouldn't help themselves out?

So I'm thinking of kind of doing a series, posting about challenges I face, pass and fail. But also about simpler things, small responsibilities that just mean I'm taking control of my own life, stuff that gets me out of my bedroom. I'm going to go out more by myself until I'm so comfortable with it, it becomes a second nature.

I had to add some sort of photo because posts never looks right without one...

*representing light at the end of the tunnel I guess. Maybe?*

Shaan x