Toxic Friendships
I don't know how this post is going to turn out, it may be one I delete at some point, but right now I don't have a friend directly on hand who I can rant with what's happening and if I don't speak about it now then it's going to ruin my good mood and I refuse to let that happen.
I've had my fair share of toxic friendships. Most of the people I've ever befriended during the high school days were people who I happened to fall into. None of them were particularly nice people. In one friend group we'd spend our days b*tching about one person, then the next day we'd be with that person b*tching about another.The main rule for a lot of my old friendships was just to make sure that they never knew the real you. You had to be fake to survive. And that's why I moved around a lot. Because I'm just not into that kind of thing, and I'd accidentally do something that messed up this system and the whole thing would collapse and everyone would turn on me.. all because I'm nicer than those people (at least I'd like to think so)
I've grown a lot this past year, I now won't even associate myself with those kind of people, I'll only pay attention to people who I know will benefit my life in some way. So when I make friends now, it's because I truly care for this person, and that's hard because you never know if you can trust them or not.
It also leads to actually being hurt when this person turns out to be absolutely hideous.
I don't want to be friends with someone who makes me feel worthless -not someone who calls me worthless -I can handle name calling. But to make your own friend feel like their not good enough? That's the lowest you can make someone feel, and it should never come from your friend.
If someone makes you feel worthless, it's all the proof you need to know they're not really your friend, not just because it's a pretty damn horrible thing to do, but because a true friend knows you, they know your worth, what you're good at and not. Just because someone isn't the most domestic person (sorry I'm not house wife material..) doesn't mean they're not capable of anything. Everyone has a lot of special qualities about them, everyone has different talents, and things they prefer to do verses what they hate doing. That doesn't make you worthless. So today I realised that this person is no friend of mine. Not anymore.
For other people's cases, friends who pressure you into being someone you're not, or make you do things you're uncomfortable with, or string you along, use you, make you feel self conscious of everything you do round them.. Then know that they are not your friend.
A real friend (obviously it varies from person to person) feels like family. You should be able to tell them anything you want to (want to, your friends don't have to know every detail about you) without the fear they'll judge you for it. A little judgement is good in some cases, a good friend challenges you and makes you a better person, but there's a very fine line that is often confused between being helpful, and being an utter d*ck..
I wish I could say something about how to get out of toxic friendships, it's not my fortay, I've spent my life running away. But really what the world needs is a bit of honesty. I should have said "don't say that, you're making me feel like I'm worthless. I can do that" instead of winging on my blog. Communication is everything. Your friend may not know they're being a complete douche, you should tell them. And if it turns into something that ends your friendship then at least you did what you could, the right, responsible way.
Of course I can't possibly take my own advice because I'm too scared to.. What I will do is suffer until the friendship eventually dwindles out.
Because I'm not confrontational, and I don't want to cause something that can be avoided.
Even though it's the best way.
I just don't understand why people have to be like this. I never choose my friends by how easy they look to boss around, or how much they look like they'd be a good b*tching session.. Why would you search for these character traits? I just want someone who makes me laugh, and someone who is 100% real.
Sorry for that little ramble, it's something I've been working up in my mind for a few days.
Shaan x
I've had my fair share of toxic friendships. Most of the people I've ever befriended during the high school days were people who I happened to fall into. None of them were particularly nice people. In one friend group we'd spend our days b*tching about one person, then the next day we'd be with that person b*tching about another.The main rule for a lot of my old friendships was just to make sure that they never knew the real you. You had to be fake to survive. And that's why I moved around a lot. Because I'm just not into that kind of thing, and I'd accidentally do something that messed up this system and the whole thing would collapse and everyone would turn on me.. all because I'm nicer than those people (at least I'd like to think so)
I've grown a lot this past year, I now won't even associate myself with those kind of people, I'll only pay attention to people who I know will benefit my life in some way. So when I make friends now, it's because I truly care for this person, and that's hard because you never know if you can trust them or not.
It also leads to actually being hurt when this person turns out to be absolutely hideous.
I don't want to be friends with someone who makes me feel worthless -not someone who calls me worthless -I can handle name calling. But to make your own friend feel like their not good enough? That's the lowest you can make someone feel, and it should never come from your friend.
If someone makes you feel worthless, it's all the proof you need to know they're not really your friend, not just because it's a pretty damn horrible thing to do, but because a true friend knows you, they know your worth, what you're good at and not. Just because someone isn't the most domestic person (sorry I'm not house wife material..) doesn't mean they're not capable of anything. Everyone has a lot of special qualities about them, everyone has different talents, and things they prefer to do verses what they hate doing. That doesn't make you worthless. So today I realised that this person is no friend of mine. Not anymore.
For other people's cases, friends who pressure you into being someone you're not, or make you do things you're uncomfortable with, or string you along, use you, make you feel self conscious of everything you do round them.. Then know that they are not your friend.
A real friend (obviously it varies from person to person) feels like family. You should be able to tell them anything you want to (want to, your friends don't have to know every detail about you) without the fear they'll judge you for it. A little judgement is good in some cases, a good friend challenges you and makes you a better person, but there's a very fine line that is often confused between being helpful, and being an utter d*ck..
I wish I could say something about how to get out of toxic friendships, it's not my fortay, I've spent my life running away. But really what the world needs is a bit of honesty. I should have said "don't say that, you're making me feel like I'm worthless. I can do that" instead of winging on my blog. Communication is everything. Your friend may not know they're being a complete douche, you should tell them. And if it turns into something that ends your friendship then at least you did what you could, the right, responsible way.
Of course I can't possibly take my own advice because I'm too scared to.. What I will do is suffer until the friendship eventually dwindles out.
Because I'm not confrontational, and I don't want to cause something that can be avoided.
Even though it's the best way.
I just don't understand why people have to be like this. I never choose my friends by how easy they look to boss around, or how much they look like they'd be a good b*tching session.. Why would you search for these character traits? I just want someone who makes me laugh, and someone who is 100% real.
I weren't going to add a photo onto this post, but this speaks to me.
Sorry for that little ramble, it's something I've been working up in my mind for a few days.
Shaan x
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