Be The Author Of Your Own Story For A Change.
I've had a pretty crap few days. Like, rock bottom crap. Life ending, no purpose, lonely, shut away, very very sad kind of crap.
I've mentioned a few times how little people I have in my very close circle, because I cut a lot of people out who were bringing negativity into my life. It gave me this really nice little family who meant everything to me. But now it's starting to get unbalanced, and I think someone is going to have to leave my life, which is going to hurt like a bitch. But this person is really starting to bring me down, and I can't afford that to happen.
Also, my biggest stress -my future, has reached absolute maximum stress and put me at breaking point. Someone reached out to me to speak to me about possibilities I could do for this year until I apply for college (possibly) next year. So I've been looking at apprenticeships but I don't like the look of any of them, it's a stressful process and my future's a mess. And it was a breaking point. I don't know anything about what I want. At all.
Then I came across a quote on Instagram which really caught my eye. I don't know who it's by but it goes "If you don't like something in your life, change it. You create your own life." Which made me think about a quote I saw ages ago, I don't remember it but I know it basically said that your life is a canvas and you are the artist, dare to draw your 'you'.
Which then brought me to something I'd written myself a few years ago. "Be the author of your own story for a change."
(Because I'm a writer, that's what I do, and I write my own stories/books whatever you will) I was angry and I decided I weren't going to allow myself to be, I wanted to change so I told myself to write my own life instead of other people's.
I guess the point of my post is to say that you are in control of your own life. I'm going to do what I want to do. Not what's expected from me. So I sat down today and decided to be my own artist, I thought about what I would make my life be like if I could be anything. And then I got twice as stressed because I was still blank. I know I'd like to continue blogging and start a YouTube...
And then I think fate happened.
A piece of paper cliche-ly fell out of my notebook, when I picked it up and read it I realised it was something I'd written last year, I hadn't written in a long long time and one day I just picked up a pen and let words flow. It was then shoved away never thought about again. But today I saw it, and I realised how good it is. I'm currently writing a book, and every time I read over it I'm overwhelmed at how good it is. (I'm not saying it's that good it overwhelms me, I'm saying I can write. And that overwhelms me.) I've never ever said "oh yeah I'm really good at...." or "yeah my special talent is....." I'm not someone to 'toot my own horn', and when I'm complimented I'm genuinely surprised and grateful. So for me to say, yeah I can write. Means it's coming from the heart.
So anyways, that cliche, fate of a moment let me know that I'm an absolute idiot. Why am I struggling to figure out what to do with my life when everyday I'm doing what I love. What I've been doing legitimately my entire life. I should go into writing.
I will probably change my mind another three times. But right now, I know that this is what I need to do.
This is me starting my own canvas. Being the author of my own story. I've found a foothole finally, I've got hope. And I've got a plan. I can finally breathe!
My mood has perked up considerably and I'm so happy to have something to live for again. Something to give me a sense of purpose in life.
Shaan x
P.S Sorry for this mass of jumbled words, there's no key point to this point but it's something that needs to be put up on my blog. I'm interested to read this back in a few years and see where I am then...
I've mentioned a few times how little people I have in my very close circle, because I cut a lot of people out who were bringing negativity into my life. It gave me this really nice little family who meant everything to me. But now it's starting to get unbalanced, and I think someone is going to have to leave my life, which is going to hurt like a bitch. But this person is really starting to bring me down, and I can't afford that to happen.
Also, my biggest stress -my future, has reached absolute maximum stress and put me at breaking point. Someone reached out to me to speak to me about possibilities I could do for this year until I apply for college (possibly) next year. So I've been looking at apprenticeships but I don't like the look of any of them, it's a stressful process and my future's a mess. And it was a breaking point. I don't know anything about what I want. At all.
Then I came across a quote on Instagram which really caught my eye. I don't know who it's by but it goes "If you don't like something in your life, change it. You create your own life." Which made me think about a quote I saw ages ago, I don't remember it but I know it basically said that your life is a canvas and you are the artist, dare to draw your 'you'.
Which then brought me to something I'd written myself a few years ago. "Be the author of your own story for a change."
(Because I'm a writer, that's what I do, and I write my own stories/books whatever you will) I was angry and I decided I weren't going to allow myself to be, I wanted to change so I told myself to write my own life instead of other people's.
I guess the point of my post is to say that you are in control of your own life. I'm going to do what I want to do. Not what's expected from me. So I sat down today and decided to be my own artist, I thought about what I would make my life be like if I could be anything. And then I got twice as stressed because I was still blank. I know I'd like to continue blogging and start a YouTube...
And then I think fate happened.
A piece of paper cliche-ly fell out of my notebook, when I picked it up and read it I realised it was something I'd written last year, I hadn't written in a long long time and one day I just picked up a pen and let words flow. It was then shoved away never thought about again. But today I saw it, and I realised how good it is. I'm currently writing a book, and every time I read over it I'm overwhelmed at how good it is. (I'm not saying it's that good it overwhelms me, I'm saying I can write. And that overwhelms me.) I've never ever said "oh yeah I'm really good at...." or "yeah my special talent is....." I'm not someone to 'toot my own horn', and when I'm complimented I'm genuinely surprised and grateful. So for me to say, yeah I can write. Means it's coming from the heart.
So anyways, that cliche, fate of a moment let me know that I'm an absolute idiot. Why am I struggling to figure out what to do with my life when everyday I'm doing what I love. What I've been doing legitimately my entire life. I should go into writing.
I will probably change my mind another three times. But right now, I know that this is what I need to do.
This is me starting my own canvas. Being the author of my own story. I've found a foothole finally, I've got hope. And I've got a plan. I can finally breathe!
My mood has perked up considerably and I'm so happy to have something to live for again. Something to give me a sense of purpose in life.
Shaan x
P.S Sorry for this mass of jumbled words, there's no key point to this point but it's something that needs to be put up on my blog. I'm interested to read this back in a few years and see where I am then...
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