Operation Change My Life: Just Live!
It's late, not late enough that I should be sleeping, but late. My eyes are stinging because I've just taken my makeup off and I think I may have got a bit of makeup remover in my actual eye. I also really need a wee but it's dark and winter and I'm in bed now so that'll have to wait 'till morning.
I've realised how much of a fool I've been.
I've had a sudden glimpse of realisation and inspiration and I need to write about it. I tried to start a blog a few years ago, I had a moment of inspiration and I wanted to tell the world about it, I wrote what I thought was a post, but actually had no idea what I was doing, where this post of intense writing was going to go, so I shut the whole thing down and wrote it one of my notebooks instead.
I've been shut away since July. After college ended and we had summer, I saw one friend several times, a family friend several times, my house the rest of the time. Because that's how average teenagers spend their summers. And when summer ended everyone went back to college or to new apprenticeships, or jobs into the real world. And I stayed at home. I wanted a job, but life happened and I never got round to it.
This state of living (staying at home all day) has crashed my world. I lost that friend, don't speak to my college friends anymore -except one over text occasionally. So I spiraled into unhappiness and I stayed in bed a lot because that's what you do when you don't have a job or college to go to right?
This is where I've realised what a fool I've been. I have nothing. No responsibilities. No ties. I have the days to myself because my mum works, being alone is for me to prove who I am, I have no influence from anyone or anything, (aside form the internet) so what I am in this period of time is who I am as a person.
I can do anything I want, I can be the person I want.
I shouldn't be wasting the days away, wasting my youth away. I'm 18 very soon and I'm not living the life I should be!
I should be getting out the house and going for walks round the village, going to the library and getting books, going to sit in coffee shops (maybe after I get a job though..), walking through every park in the area, losing this ridiculous, unhealthy amount of weight I've put on over the past few months. I should spend my time at home learning, using the internet to teach myself things I'm interested in. I can do absolutely anything I want, and I'm sat in bed wallowing everyday at how lonely my life is!
I should write more.
I should interact with people more. Smile at strangers.
I should stop being so angry at ridiculous twitter users.
I should make an effort and put makeup on everyday, and do my hair.
I should smile more.
That's why my new perception of 'operation change my life' is to not think too much about how my life is going and to just live. Because soon I will be in that 9 to 5 job, probably working on Saturdays, and I'll lose my freedom to do whatever I want everyday. So I got to make the most of what I've got while I've got it.
Shaan x
I've realised how much of a fool I've been.
I've had a sudden glimpse of realisation and inspiration and I need to write about it. I tried to start a blog a few years ago, I had a moment of inspiration and I wanted to tell the world about it, I wrote what I thought was a post, but actually had no idea what I was doing, where this post of intense writing was going to go, so I shut the whole thing down and wrote it one of my notebooks instead.
I've been shut away since July. After college ended and we had summer, I saw one friend several times, a family friend several times, my house the rest of the time. Because that's how average teenagers spend their summers. And when summer ended everyone went back to college or to new apprenticeships, or jobs into the real world. And I stayed at home. I wanted a job, but life happened and I never got round to it.
This state of living (staying at home all day) has crashed my world. I lost that friend, don't speak to my college friends anymore -except one over text occasionally. So I spiraled into unhappiness and I stayed in bed a lot because that's what you do when you don't have a job or college to go to right?
This is where I've realised what a fool I've been. I have nothing. No responsibilities. No ties. I have the days to myself because my mum works, being alone is for me to prove who I am, I have no influence from anyone or anything, (aside form the internet) so what I am in this period of time is who I am as a person.
I can do anything I want, I can be the person I want.
I shouldn't be wasting the days away, wasting my youth away. I'm 18 very soon and I'm not living the life I should be!
I should be getting out the house and going for walks round the village, going to the library and getting books, going to sit in coffee shops (maybe after I get a job though..), walking through every park in the area, losing this ridiculous, unhealthy amount of weight I've put on over the past few months. I should spend my time at home learning, using the internet to teach myself things I'm interested in. I can do absolutely anything I want, and I'm sat in bed wallowing everyday at how lonely my life is!
I should write more.
I should interact with people more. Smile at strangers.
I should stop being so angry at ridiculous twitter users.
I should make an effort and put makeup on everyday, and do my hair.
I should smile more.
That's why my new perception of 'operation change my life' is to not think too much about how my life is going and to just live. Because soon I will be in that 9 to 5 job, probably working on Saturdays, and I'll lose my freedom to do whatever I want everyday. So I got to make the most of what I've got while I've got it.
Shaan x
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